Classic Mochronicle This is the way the Mochronicle started out, Onion News Style
Rio to Hold Olympics, Redeemer promises, “one hell of a party” Mon, Oct 5. Chicago gasped in shock that smooth talkin’ Obama could not talk his way into the Olympics. After the Brazilians gave their 180 million man speech, they took a cheap shot at Obama’s bowling skills and it was all over. The hammer drove home when they noting that South America has never had the opportunity to host the Olympics even though the games were started 2,700 years ago. Also no one could argue that Americans, who proved to have hath little faith and wisdom, blew the last of their budget this year on clunkers, and further noted that the redeemer has promised them not only the Olympics, but “one hell of a party afterwards.”
Favre Puts NFL On His Back Mon, Oct 5. In unprecented cooperation between the NFL owners and the Players Association, Bret Favre late Monday night signed a controversial 4 year "open contract" with the league. The contract will allow Favre to choose different teams to play for each year, with the only stipulation being that he must make a decison by week 7 each year. On Monday night football Favre beat his old team the Green Bay Packers becoming the first quarterback to beat all 32 NFL teams. In a post game interview Favre said that the game was not any more important than any other game. "Its just a game, my carreer is not based on one win or a loss. I just go out and try to win the game. Sure its my old team that threw me under the bus, but man, you saw the stat... all 32 teams, I beat them all. So I don't have to be cauky about this win. Its just a game."
Aug 15 Stamps For Suckers Program A Failure The Post Office's new program designed to help them through these tough and troubled economic times has been canned for the meantime. Using the template from the government's successful "Cash for Clunkers" program, the poorly campaigned scheme that asked people to bring their old stamps of lesser value than the current 1st class postage rate and receive half of the value towards a new and up to date stamp was not received well by the public. Many customers when asked if they wanted to participate answered rudely or confused. Post Office executives admit that because the public has recently been duped into supporting many ill-planned and foolish government policies such as starting two wars, giving military technology to India, allowing companies a pay to pollute option, mortgaging South Carolina to the Chinese, bailing out the bank and auto industries with no pay or bonus stipulations, and to pretend to let Americans debate on something that they don't need their permission to pass, lured them into believing that they could pull another fast one on public Joe Plumber. But alas the public has finally said no... wtf on something. Good job public, way to pay attention